Project - Dreams (Ongoing)

Project - Dreams (Ongoing)

What does a life time of documenting dreams look like?

This document contains over 600 pages of documented dreams from childhood to present. They have been organised into categories.

Exploring various themes within the document.

Exploring, ‘I felt…’

12th January 2024

I’m not entirely sure why, but at some recent point I remember having the thought that it would be interesting to make an attempt explore the ‘feelings’ that have been documented in my dreams. This isn’t an easy task as these feelings come from a variety of places. For example, there’s the feeling of a scene or the feelings that the visuals give. There’s also the difficulty of feelings being described in each dream being different. Rather than read through the entire document, I decided to simply search, ‘I felt’ and record how many times that appeared and summarise what was involved. The following is a list that followed this idea.

Note: The dates recorded are only reliable from 2019 onwards, as from this point I made a specific effort to record the dates. The dates prior are estimated from memory or from specific references within the dreams that signify a time period.

For ethical considerations, names and references to others have been redacted.

Childhood - 2004

'I felt' (Mad at myself)

'I felt' (More confident and popular)

'I felt' (Like a ghost)

'I felt' (Comfortable around other people)

'I felt' (Comfortable and unable to be intimidated)

'I felt' (Curious)

2005:

'I felt' (Dizzy and sick)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable and left out)

'I felt' (That I didn't exist)

'I felt' (Stupid and embarrassed)

'I felt' (Lucky running through a battlefield and surviving)

'I felt' (Overwhelmed)

2006:

'I felt' (Awkward)

'I felt' (Sick and claustrophobic)

'I felt' (Relieved)

'I felt' (The positive presence of my Mother)

'I felt' (Sick and Dizzy)

2007:

'I felt' (Proud of myself at being skilful and powerful)

'I felt' (Like I was in heaven)

'I felt' (Lost)

'I felt' (Accomplished)

'I felt' (As if I was spying)

'I felt' (Happy and contented)

'I felt' (A sense of Deja Vu)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (Dizzy)

'I felt' (Paranoid)

'I felt' (Apprehensive but not nervous)

2008:

'I felt' (Like an idiot)

'I felt' (Trapped, scared and overwhelmed)

'I felt' (Threatened)

'I felt' (Tired and weak, needing rest)

'I felt' (Defenceless)

'I felt' (Reluctant to stay, wanting to avoid boredom)

'I felt' (Depressed)

'I felt' (No options left to avoid an embarrassing situation)

'I felt' (Nostalgic)

2009:

'I felt' (Stupid)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (Relieved that it was just a dream)

'I felt' (Pissed off)

'I felt' (Paranoid)

'I felt' (Comfortable around *****)

'I felt' (Calm)

'I felt' (Sense of relief)

'I felt' (Myself wanting to cry)

'I felt' (Relieved that it was just a dream)

'I felt' (In awe whilst photographing a space station)

'I felt' (Unsafe)

2010:

'I felt' (Annoyed and depressed whilst being ignored)

'I felt' (Calm)

'I felt' (Scared)

'I felt' (Apprenhsive and paranoid)

'I felt' (Myself wanting to cry)

'I felt' (Content with looking at reflection in the mirror)

'I felt' (Apprehensive and nervous)

'I felt' (Unsure how to be)

'I felt' (Weird and strange but comfortable and confident)

'I felt' (Scared, erratic and restless)

'I felt' (Like breaking down and crying)

'I felt' (Relief from negative feelings after talking to someone)

'I felt' (Curious but cautious)

'I felt' (Safe in the company of a dog)

2011:

'I felt' (Desperation to see ****** but not doing anything about it)

'I felt' (Childish)

'I felt' (Crowded due to being in noisy environment)

'I felt' (On edge)

'I felt' (Comfortable, although dead)

'I felt' (Petrified whilst being stabbed)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable around ****** being affectionate)

'I felt' (Having no choice but to eat)

'I felt' (Having no choice but to believe someone)

'I felt' (Having no option but to commit murder)

2012:

'I felt' (Responsible for a murder I hadn't committed)

'I felt' (A connection with a friend after solving a murder)

'I felt' (Constantly watched)

2013:

'I felt' (Stuck in a warzone in enemy territory)

'I felt' (Danger in an abandoned building)

'I felt' (Sick with stomach pain)

'I felt' (About to faint)

'I felt' (Awkward)

'I felt' (Happy, amazed, in love)

'I felt' (Stupid, guilty, like a dumb child)

'I felt' (Shy and nervous)

'I felt' (Stupid and embarrassed)

'I felt' (Nervous, stressed, worried, upset and erratic)

'I felt' (Upset due to missing ********)

'I felt' (Sick and suicidal)

'I felt' (Guilty and trapped in a negative state of mind)

'I felt' (Nervous and apprehensive but curious)

'I felt' (Confused but happy)

2014:

'I felt' (Uncomfortable and nervous)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable but free from fear of shyness or nervousness)

'I felt' (Relief after being hugged by ********)

'I felt' (Reassured ******** wasn't angry with me and didn't hate me)

'I felt' (Safe in an abandoned house)

'I felt' (Contented and not as lost as I expected to be in an abandoned house)

'I felt' (Ready to give up whilst drowning)

'I felt' (Impatient)

'I felt' (Overwhelmed, struggling to embrace accomplishments)

2015:

'I felt' (That I caused hurt to others by ignoring them)

'I felt' (Emotionally exhausted)

'I felt' (Unsure how to respond to affection)

'I felt' (Overthinking my response to affection causing me to feel worse)

'I felt' (Being in love but unable to fully to understand it)

'I felt' (Warm and fuzzy whilst letting myself go, but sceptical and scared that it may lead to death)

'I felt' (Mentally exhausted)

'I felt' (Guilty for running away with a girl in a warzone)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (As if I'd lost my mind)

'I felt' (Fear and panic)

2016:

No dreams recorded found in archives.

2017:

'I felt' (Helpless at the mercy of increasingly severe tidal waves)

'I felt' (Unable to relax until I saw ********)

'I felt' (Out of place, awkward and uncomfortable)

'I felt' (Physically uncomfortable but determined to survive after a seizure)

'I felt' (Desperate for the effects of drugs to wear off)

2018:

'I felt' (Frustrated that I couldn't focus properly)

'I felt' (Desperate to talk to someone)

'I felt' (Useless, depressed, and submitting whilst being berated)

'I felt' (Infuriated at and resentment)

'I felt' (Relief that someone survived an attack)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (Sympathy for a new born baby)

'I felt' (Clueless how to help a new born baby)

'I felt' (Disappointed with the art work I'd produced)

'I felt' (Recognising from others that they didn't have a choice but to banish me)

'I felt' (Apprehensive, concerned for ******** safety)

'I felt' (Guilty for trying to keep ******** safe)

'I felt' (Trapped and lost within myself)

'I felt' (A wave of relief that it was just a dream)

2019:

'I felt' (Anger)

'I felt' (Miserable and bored, stuck inside whilst it's sunny outside)

'I felt' (Anxiety whilst using Google Maps)

'I felt' (Comfortable and warm inside a derelict building)

'I felt' (Depression)

'I felt' (Moody, not wanting to be in a school class)

'I felt' (Depression)

'I felt' (Suffocated and immensely depressed)

'I felt' (Horrible and guilty)

'I felt' (Out of place around warm and welcoming people)

'I felt' (Lack of remorse or guilt)

'I felt' (Jealous)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (Nervous)

'I felt' (Comfortable whilst hiding from gunfire)

2020:

'I felt' (Happy that I'd been accepted in a group at school as a child)

'I felt' (Conflicted whilst trying to decide which avatar represents myself)

'I felt' (Like a child being lectured by a parent)

'I felt' (Nervous and negative feelings, on edge)

'I felt' (Constant feelings of anxiety and tension, expecting something to happen)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (On edge after stealing some keys)

'I felt' (Angry and throwing things but controlled enough to ensure nothing smashed)

'I felt' (Resentment at others enjoying the sunshine whilst I'm trapped)

'I felt' (Missed out of a group activity for not having anyone to pair up with)

'I felt' (Annoyed that none of the adults had realised I was missed out)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (Lucky at being able to steal a weapon after a fight)

'I felt' (Stressed during a wedding photography shoot)

'I felt' (Depressed at having to buy pizza twice since the first order was wrong)

'I felt' (Conflicted at receiving free desserts as an apology)

'I felt' (Not belonging and wanting to leave rather than enduring the feeling)

'I felt' (Confident and comfortable, like I had a 'second chance')

'I felt' (Sympathy)

2021:

'I felt' (Lucky that my possessions weren't stolen)

'I felt' (Traumatised, but able to avoid a complete breakdown)

'I felt' (Tidal waves of relief)

'I felt' (Shocked at being told I’m loved)

'I felt' (Like I'm in a losing battle)

'I felt' (Concerned and later reassured regarding my health)

'I felt' (Old, weak and fragile)

'I felt' (A wave of panic)

'I felt' (Confident and happy)

'I felt' (In shock)

'I felt' (Emotional breakdown, shutting down, frozen, staring blankly, although oddly comfortable)

'I felt' (Out of all options)

'I felt' (Constantly on edge and unable to relax)

'I felt' (In shock, recognising the dream was a nightmare)

'I felt' (Like a child)

'I felt' (Angry and annoyed at being shut out)

'I felt' (Fearful of being unable to recover from severe symptoms of anxiety)

'I felt' (Exhilarated whilst running and being chased)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

2022:

'I felt' (Without a choice)

'I felt' (Sympathy)

'I felt' (Comfortable whilst receiving affection)

'I felt' (Panic and anxiety)

'I felt' (As if I'm letting my friends down)

'I felt' (Frustrated, then upset upon realising ******** no longer wants to talk to me)

'I felt' (Lucky)

'I felt' (Nervous, anxious and hesitant opening an email from ********)

'I felt' (Depressed and trapped)

'I felt' (Like I'd given up, feeling physical symptoms of anxiety and depression)

'I felt' (Guilt and sympathy)

'I felt' (Useless and incompetent in photography)

'I felt' (Frustrated having to explain why I didn't cry)

'I felt' (Responsible for looking after someone)

'I felt' (A deep loss upon losing my Timeline Project)

'I felt' (A sense of relief following the realisation it was just a dream)

'I felt' (Fear during a fight with a gun)

'I felt' (Threatened by others as a child)

'I felt' (Sympathy, following the death of a young girl)

'I felt' (That a photography lecturer would be disappointed)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable, scared, wanting to go home and like a child)

'I felt' (Guilty for not caring for dogs properly)

'I felt' (Like a child playing in the water)

'I felt' (Pressure to make good photographs during a wedding shoot)

'I felt' (Annoyed and angry at a cat scratching at a sofa)

'I felt' (Confused as I watched myself change from an adult to a child)

2023:

'I felt' (Proud of myself as a child for making the adults in school laugh)

'I felt' (Stressed and out of control)

'I felt' (Guilt)

'I felt' (Uncomfortable and out of place)

'I felt' (Lucky to be alive following a friend trying to kill me)

'I felt' (Like I had to be honest about being unable to cope)

'I felt' (Ready to give in whilst being physically thrown around a house)

'I felt' (Disgust and depression at my reflection)

'I felt' (A desperation and urgency to change clothes)

'I felt' (Baffled at how easily I managed to slip through security gates)

'I felt' (Awkward, uncomfortable, that I don't belong and should leave)

'I felt' (Sympathy for a young boy being taunted)

'I felt' (Like I had no idea why I was in trouble with my Mum)

'I felt' (Disorientated and depressed, like a teenager)

Thoughts:

It interests me how the majority of these recordings are mostly difficult and negative feelings and emotions, and I wonder why this is and what this reveals about myself. However, I feel that it should be recognised that in isolating these 'I felt’ recordings in this way, this provides a specific narrative that doesn’t represent the wider picture. There are a lot of dreams that feature positive and happy emotions too, but interestingly, it (now) seems clear that those are visually represented. They exist within visually comforting scenes, places, seasons and the time of day.

16th April 2024

A photograph taken in 2022 I felt works well with the themes and events of dream 961.